About twenty minutes ago I wrote this on Facebook..
“Tonight I realized that the things that people do and the things that people say they are going to do are two different things. Sometimes you put to much trust in someone and it backfires. But in the end you have to remember that you are your own person. Sit back and relax and never lose sight of the person you told yourself you were going to be… BECOME THAT PERSON! Goodnight.”
As of now I am going into my fifth week of my senior year in high school. Everything has been so crazy. I didn’t do to well Junior year grade wise and I was really focused on one thing in particular during the summer, my boyfriend, whom I thought was the love of my life. He was a bit older than me and is in the military. At the end of the summer he was leaving to go to South Korea for the year. I knew it was coming and he promised me that we would last. Three days before he left he started ignoring me.. I wasn’t quite sure what to do. It seemed like everything was going so right. But suddenly it went wrong. The day he was leaving I was sitting in my living room when I received a text message from him. He asked if everything was alright between the two of us and I just told him how hurt I was so we both made the decision that at the moment it wasn’t right for me to be waiting for him while I was finishing my last year of high school and him being gone for so long. So I just let him go. I have been friends with this other boy for a long time. He was my best friend of all time. When he asked me on a date although I was still hurting I took the chance and things took an amazing turn. I suddenly felt happy again. One night my ex texted me and asked me if I was with someone else and suddenly got very angry with me for not waiting. So I broke everything off with my best friend. We haven’t been the same ever since. At the beginning of the school year I found out that he had gotten another girlfriend; and usually i’m not the jealous type but this time I was really hurt. It was like he was suddenly taken from me.
The other day I texted him asking him about our math homework. First time we had talked in awhile.. And as we were talking he suddenly told me that he was sorry for everything. And I just broke down and told him everything that I was feeling for him. He also told me how he was feeling which was the fact that he is in love with me. I was so happy and we just kept talking about our feelings for each other. Then it hit me. He still has a girlfriend whether I like her or not I wasn’t ready to wreck a relationship like that. So I asked him what he was going to do about her and he said “idk?” I felt like that answered all my questions. If he wasn’t willing to stop a relationship and be with me (i know that sounds selfish) and at the same time not give her the courtesy of letting her go while talking to another girl like that. He wasn’t the same person I knew. And I simply told him that he needed to make the decision. He got mad at me. That’s that. So the other day I told him that we needed to meet in our spot and while we were there we talked about how this is gonna go and he said he was gonna talk to her about it cause that’s the right thing to do. Him and I have never been liars. So expecting to get a text last night and not receiving one I texted him to ask him how it went.. He replied with, “you need to not talk to me anymore, we’re done and don’t expect me to text back to your response.” That killed me and today I saw that there relationship was better then ever on Facebook. I’ve never been put in this situation before and it sucks. I never even thought I would get remotely close to this situation. But I don’t know what to do. Life seems to be so complicated and it has its turmoils but I just figure that I have been living an emotional roller coaster right now and I need to be me. As everyone says. I won’t let this effect me I will continue to be the girl I have always been even before I was hurt. I won’t let anything blind my judgment and I won’t be afraid of love just a bit more cautious the next time it decides to head my way. Don’t let others make you change the decisions in your life. If I wouldn’t have let my ex control me I could be dating a fantastic person right now but no. I turned into one of those people who sounds completely pathetic. But I don’t care. I will overcome this and move on in this journey we call life.
The Girl With The Ripped Jeans <3