Crazy Love

About twenty minutes ago I wrote this on Facebook..

           ”Tonight I realized that the things that people do and the things that people say they are going to do are two different things. Sometimes you put to much trust in someone and it backfires. But in the end you have to remember that you are your own person. Sit back and relax and never lose sight of the person you told yourself you were going to be… BECOME THAT PERSON! Goodnight.”

          As of now I am going into my fifth week of my senior year in high school. Everything has been so crazy. I didn’t do to well Junior year grade wise and I was really focused on one thing in particular during the summer, my boyfriend, whom I thought was the love of my life. He was a bit older than me and is in the military. At the end of the summer he was leaving to go to South Korea for the year. I knew it was coming and he promised me that we would last. Three days before he left he started ignoring me.. I wasn’t quite sure what to do. It seemed like everything was going so right. But suddenly it went wrong. The day he was leaving I was sitting in my living room when I received a text message from him. He asked if everything was alright between the two of us and I just told him how hurt I was so we both made the decision that at the moment it wasn’t right for me to be waiting for him while I was finishing my last year of high school and him being gone for so long. So I just let him go. I have been friends with this other boy for a long time. He was my best friend of all time. When he asked me on a date although I was still hurting I took the chance and things took an amazing turn. I suddenly felt happy again. One night my ex texted me and asked me if I was with someone else and suddenly got very angry with me for not waiting. So I broke everything off with my best friend. We haven’t been the same ever since. At the beginning of the school year I found out that he had gotten another girlfriend; and usually i’m not the jealous type but this time I was really hurt. It was like he was suddenly taken from me. 

The other day I texted him asking him about our math homework. First time we had talked in awhile.. And as we were talking he suddenly told me that he was sorry for everything. And I just broke down and told him everything that I was feeling for him. He also told me how he was feeling which was the fact that he is in love with me. I was so happy and we just kept talking about our feelings for each other. Then it hit me. He still has a girlfriend whether I like her or not I wasn’t ready to wreck a relationship like that. So I asked him what he was going to do about her and he said “idk?” I felt like that answered all my questions. If he wasn’t willing to stop a relationship and be with me (i know that sounds selfish) and at the same time not give her the courtesy of letting her go while talking to another girl like that. He wasn’t the same person I knew. And I simply told him that he needed to make the decision. He got mad at me. That’s that. So the other day I told him that we needed to meet in our spot and while we were there we talked about how this is gonna go and he said he was gonna talk to her about it cause that’s the right thing to do. Him and I have never been liars. So expecting to get a text last night and not receiving one I texted him to ask him how it went.. He replied with, “you need to not talk to me anymore, we’re done and don’t expect me to text back to your response.” That killed me and today I saw that there relationship was better then ever on Facebook. I’ve never been put in this situation before and it sucks. I never even thought I would get remotely close to this situation. But I don’t know what to do. Life seems to be so complicated and it has its turmoils but I just figure that I have been living an emotional roller coaster right now and I need to be me. As everyone says. I won’t let this effect me I will continue to be the girl I have always been even before I was hurt. I won’t let anything blind my judgment and I won’t be afraid of love just a bit more cautious the next time it decides to head my way. Don’t let others make you change the decisions in your life. If I wouldn’t have let my ex control me I could be dating a fantastic person right now but no. I turned into one of those people who sounds completely pathetic. But I don’t care. I will overcome this and move on in this journey we call life. 

Love.

The Girl With The Ripped Jeans <3

Listening

I Know it;s been awhile.. But hello.

I know before I had said that I was going to write in this everyday; and I have failed to do so for a few months. I really do apologize for that. I hope you will forgive me. But guess what guys I am back! At the top my title says, ‘Listen’. Over these past few months I have learned that listening comes in handy a lot as a teenager. Being in high school you are always listening, to a million people! Sometimes you just want to stop and think to yourself that you will be fine if you don’t listen to those who are trying to do the talking.. But let me tell you I have learned my lesson. At the beginning of the school year I had a million friends, who I listened to all the time, then I did a stupid thing and lost them. At the beginning of the year I told myself that this year was going to be different, “I am going to do way better this year than I ever have. This is the most important year and this is my last chance to prove myself.” But let me tell you I did the exact opposite. Once I put myself in that mindset I told myself that I thought that I was invincible and now I am the furthest thing from it. Once I started thinking that way I decided to stop ‘listening’ to those who matter most like teachers, parents, family, and friends. I thought that I was right and no one else. At that moment was the moment that lead me to exactly where I am now. 

When the report cards came in the mail wanna know what my grades were? Well I’m not going to tell you the exact but I can tell you that my grade point average was a 2.8, do you remember my post about disappointing your parents? Well as soon as my parents saw it they were very disappointed. I never meant to make them feel that way but once it came in the mail there was no turning back. My whole entire school career I have been an A, B student in English. You know what I got? I got a D+. A D+! My Mom confronted me first and all I could say was sorry. I know that’s not good enough but that’s all I could do at that moment to try to patch what I had broken. For insurance you have to have a 3.0 or better and I did not have that so now money was becoming an issue. So not only did I disappoint my Mom but also put a financial burden on this situation as well. A few days later I got a text from my Dad asking me what went wrong. And me being the Daddy’s little girl I am I just broke down in tears. I felt so bad about what I had done. Then on top of that I knew that I was going to face the rath of my college prep councilor; she told me that this D+ was going to make it hard for me when colleges look at my transcripts. Of course that was exactly what I didn’t want to hear but I just took it all in and listened to everything she had to say.

As much as I wanted to blame my teacher for not teaching right or make up excuses I knew none of that was true. This was all my fault. I never took the time to think about the consequences that would come if I slacked off. 

These past two years everyone has been telling me listen to what those above you have to say cause they know what they are talking about. No teenager wants to listen to that, they want to think that they are always right but, let me tell you, you’re not always right. It took me messing up to learn that. Hopefully you reading this won’t have to go through the same thing to learn it and just take my advice.

Love,

The Girl With The Ripped Jeans <3

Why Teenagers Lie to their Parents

Today…

I got a question from one of my readers asking, “Why do teenagers feel it so necessary to lie to their parents?” Well mzklever there are many reasons why teens feel the need to lie to their parents. Being a teenager myself I would like to think that I know why but everyone has their own reason. What I am thinking is that your parents are the ones who made you and the ones who have taught you how to be you. Many kids would argue that their parents didn’t ‘make them’ who they are today but by watching what they have done through out the years their parents have. I even struggle with it from time to time. Another things that teens say is that they don’t need to prove themselves to anyone; but honestly everything a child does is for their parents to accept them. They may not realize it now and may argue that point but when they are older they will be able to see it. Just recently I noticed that all sorts of things were happening in my life that I knew my parents wouldn’t be proud of so I tried to change the situations. It was nothing to terrible but I still felt they wouldn’t like it. Yes, I am guilty of lying to my parents time and again about so many things. Everyone has done it. It’s just human nature and you know what it’s okay if at some point you can make it right again. Through the years I have felt that by lying to my parents I was keeping myself from getting into trouble, but writing this article right now I am realizing that it was really so that I didn’t have to go through disappointing my parents. That is one of the hardest situations to face as a teenager. I know that i’m not perfect but I try to be as perfect as possible for my parents. Because I love them. Hopefully I have answered your question mzklever, and anymore questions feel free to ask!
Love,
The Girl with the Ripped Jeans <3

Music is my Muse

Music…

“Music is my muse. It makes me think, it helps me dream, and mostly it gets me through good times and bad. ”  - The Girl with the Ripped Jeans.

As you all know I want to be a writer as I get older and really begin my life as an adult. What I really love doing is writing stories; putting my imagination to the test! 

My story all started..

About two years ago over summer I had the chance to stay at the college near by for six weeks, with a college prep program. They had asked me at the beginning what I wanted to do once I got into college, and as a freshman in high school that is a huge question. They told me that it doesn’t have to be something like a lawyer or a doctor or something over glorified like a model or an actress; it could be something that I just simply love. Which brought me to the answer of being a Writer. During the summer they set me up in an English class along with a bunch of other kids my age and the teacher gave us an assignment. We had to write the beginning of a novel by the end of the summer; so of course I went straight to my  dorm and started brainstorming what I could write about! Nothing was coming to me though, so out of frustration I just grabbed my iPod and started listening to music…That’s when it all happened! Songs were coming on and giving me the greatest ideas. By the end of the summer I had half a novel done! When I turned it in to be corrected my teacher read the beginning of it and sort of looked at me weird.. automatically my heart dropped. Like, “Oh crap I did something wrong!” When I got the paper back a week later he pulled me aside and said, “you have some really nice stuff here. You have some really strong writing and your play on words is just amazing.” After that I knew exactly how I would make something of myself as a writer! Now I am almost done with my novel and I am pretty happy with it. I’ve only ever let three people read it cause I am nervous about letting others read so much of my writing. But you know aren’t songs others feelings put in tune? If they can do it I should be able to, too. (: 

One of my favorite songs is a song by Rascal Flatts; Stand. It’s so amazing every time I listen to it I get butterflies all over and just feel like I am invincible! The whole song is talking about when you have struggles in your life you just have to, “look up decide you’ve had enough; you get mad, you get strong; wipe your hands and shake it off. Than you stand!” You lead your own life. It’s inevitable as to what will happen but you just have to keep holding on, “when push comes to shove, you taste what you’re made of;  you might bend till you break cause it’s all you can take.” This song has inspired me throughout my life to just keep going on. Things can get hard sometimes but you just have to keep going.

Sometimes a form of writing for me is to write songs. If I just need to get something out I grab a notepad and pen and just start writing. Usually the things I am feeling aren’t directly written. The songs have deeper meanings. But music helps me get it out. 

So the next time that you are sad, happy, in love, or just need a great idea to get you through go on the internet and check out some YouTube or grab your iPod and go for a jog. 

“Music is my life, my love, and the greatest gift anyone could give.”

Love,

The Girl with the Ripped Jeans <3

Hopeless Romantic? Yeah, that’s me.

I am one of those people who..

• whenever I see a couple walking down the street my heart melts and I can’t help but say ‘awe!!’
• I have always wanted a nice long term relationship..
• When a love song comes on the radio whether I am sad or not I just have to turn it up cause it will do one of two things.. Either put a smile on my face with the illusion of love or it will make me sad because of a recent heartbreak.

Isn’t it amazing what love does to you? My whole life I have been just like any other love struck girl, teenager, woman.. I’ve wanted my love life to be just like a movie. Where prince charming comes in and sweeps me off my feet! Wouldn’t that just be amazing. But than I come back to reality and think about what happens in the real world. Boys don’t come up now days and say ‘Wow you are so gorgeous’ unless they are looking for something in particular. I’m not saying that those wonderful guys aren’t out there. But they are so hard to find.. What I do know is that every girl is different and that they all have there own prince charming.. so really i am going against what I just said.. Ha. Ironic isn’t it? Not one is alike which means that we each have that one man/guy/boy that is our other half.. I read a quote once that said, ‘once upon a time the Greek god Zeus had made human beings all with four eyes, ears, and hands. along with two noses and mouths. Afraid of their power he split them in half.. You know what those people are called? They are called our soul mates.’ I’m not sure who wrote the quote or anything but mad props to them. Other than the Greek mythology part I think that person was right in saying that because each and every one of us has a soul mate somewhere out there. All you have to believe. 

Now days woman and girls all alike think that they have to dress the part and be the part for a guy to like them. But I am here to tell you that, I am not a relationship expert or anything but I do know that; guys like girls more the way you are. There was a time when I thought that I had to dress a certain way so that I could just get a cute guy to look at me. I played the whole dumb blonde part too! Than one day all of the sudden it clicked in my mind ‘what the hell am I doing?! It is so exhausting getting up early in the morning doing my hair perfect and doing my make up just right. I am buying all these stupid name brand clothes when I could be buying myself a new laptop or something.’ I am so glad that, that happened when it did because now when I’m not trying to be perfect and just be me the boys who I have had crushes on forever are noticing me more. Not just as that one girl, they are inviting me to hang out with them more and we are becoming friends. Talking all the time. And now this really cute guy and I are starting to like each other more and more every day. So I finally took that leap and came out and showed that nerdy little girl in me and he loves me for it.So all the time before when I was “acting” the part thinking that these guys were falling for me when they weren’t I figure I was falling for the illusion of Love what so many of us now days want. ‘Fall in love when you’ve actually found someone who cares for you like you deserve to be loved not when you’re lonely.’ That’s the key and be yourself! I cannot express enough how important that is! It might feel good to be the pretty girl in school but the closet book worm when you get home. But that’s no life. Find that guy who will be cool with you than take you to the library for that cute little study date. I promise it’s all worth it in the end  

Love.

The Girl with the Ripped Jeans. <3